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I just love having sex with you...Next time I hope you are there with me.
My first mistake was thinking she couldn`t hit a moving target.
Wedding: The really expensive party taking place relatively 5-10 years before your divorce.
Coffee has given me unrealistic expectations of productivity.
I don`t understand no one has excepted my boiling water challenge
To get laid is good. To get off is good. To get laid off is bad.
Always give 100% at work: 12% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 20% Thursday, 5% Friday.
No matter what life brings you, always take a lesson from your dog.. Kick some grass over that s**t and move on.
If you want to keep a secret from me, put it inside a Facebook event invitation.
My bed and I are in a good relationship, and my alarm clock is so0o jealous...
People who think only God can judge them have obviously never met my mother-in-law.
My goal in life: Build a time machine and travel forward into the future until I can stop and ask someone "Do you know what `buffering` is?" and they are clueless.
You mean to tell me people run? On purpose? When nobody is chasing them?
So the Boy Scouts are going to let girls join. Teenage boys and girls camping in the woods together. What could possibly go wrong?
At my age, my biggest fantasy is to sleep through the night without having to pee every two hours.