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I think the next Star Wars movie should go Country! I would be excited to see Garth Vader.........
I put "extremely organized" on my resume and I don`t even remember what folder I saved it in..
if you hold a dinner fork really close to your eyes, you can pretend that they`re in jail
The Internet makes things so convenient. Before it existed, if you wanted to order a DVD online, you had to invent the Internet.
I`m just a boy, standing in front of a girl; not listening to a f*cking thing she`s saying. But nodding, lots of nodding.
It`s tax season. Anyone have some spare kids?
I`m the guy at the gym laying face down on the treadmill telling everyone "I`m ok, I`m ok"
If you`re gonna label the silica gel "do not eat", maybe you should label everything in the box. I almost ate a shoe before someone stopped me
When I was younger I thought I was bipolar. Turns out I was just an a$$hole who was happy about it.
If your friends can accurately guess your age, you need to find dumber friends.
My career plans were much more exciting when I was 5
If you have to use a shot glass to make your drinks then you`re not doing it right...
I will vote for Donald Trump just to hear him tell Obama he`s fired!!
I don`t want it to seem like I`m trying to get rid of you, but GO AWAY!!
Why can`t we just change the spelling to fit the way it sounds: Bologna = Bolony Lasagna = lasania knife= nife tsunami = sunami politician = a$$hole