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Why do they always have 5K runs for charity? Just once, couldn’t they have a sit for charity or nap for charity?
When you are dead, you don`t know you are dead, but other people do. The same applies when you are stupid.
I can’t wait to be ashamed of what I do this weekend.
It may look like I`m doing nothing, but I`m actively waiting for my problems to go away.
When you get angry at someone count out loud to ten. When you get to eight, throw a punch. Nobody expects that sh!t.
make little things count. teach midgets math.
Sometimes the smartest thing you can do is play dumb.
Shout out to sidewalks. Thanks for keeping me off the streets.
Some days, I practice positive thinking. Other days, I`m not positive I am thinking.
I`d like to change and get comfy, yet that requires effort. Ever feel this lazy?
for those people out there who don`t know me, congrats your not a facebook addict
Ladies, wonder if he`s busy or ignoring your texts? Offer to send nudes. If he instantly responds, he was totally ignoring you before.
I`m not lazy... I`m in energy saving mode.
Trying to remain humble but I’m the most famous person in my living room right now.
You can tell how much a woman hates her husband by how short she cuts her hair.