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Wanna come over tonight for pizza and sex? lol jk, there`s no pizza
My hobbies include working out, staying fit, eating healthy, and lying.
If my job was to make health questionnaires, I`d slip in random stuff like "How fast can you run backwards?"
i feel naked without my mobile !
I hate sharing popcorn with someone at the cinema and our fingers touch. Especially if I don`t know them, and they don`t know we`re sharing.
You’d think that with as much time as women spend looking at their ass in the mirror they would be able to reverse into a parking spot.
Facebook taught me to mind everyone else`s business.
Sometimes I find myself envious of how well Waldo can hide..
When I was a kid, I wanted to be an adult. So yeah...kids are stupid.
I wonder if Batman knows that other cities have crime, too.
This guy told me that playing the voilin is the best way to calm you down. I bet he never tried smashing it over someone`s head.
A slutty girl is like the first slice of bread in a loaf. Everybody touches it but nobody wants it.
“Hey baby, do you smell that?” “No.” “Me neither, start cooking.”
“You look tired” is just a polite way to tell someone they look like sh*t.
ooooh boy, Mother`s Day hangovers...always the worst huh?!