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Exercise? More like extra fries.
How many calories does swearing like a motherf*cker burn?
If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.
I like my women how I like my straws …. Bendy and full of liquor.
I don`t want to set the world on fire........just you.
"The truth shall set you free"....unless you are in court. Then you should probably shut the f*ck up.
Why do they write PIZZA all over the box? What else could possibly be in there???
A man in front of me at Walmart is buying a pregnancy test. I bet this is the one time in his life he wishes she had sent him for tampons!
2011: Come at me bro! 1800`s: Advance towards me brethren!
A girl drinks 4 cosmos over a span of 60 minutes. 25 mins later, she texts 3 of her besties. How many emojis will she use? Show your work.
Had a great time watching the family oriented PG rated Shrek with my grandson last night... until he asked why a Donkey would have sex with a Dragon.
just keep scrolling nothing to see hear
I don’t know how many girls it takes to change a lightbulb but I guarantee you they’d post pictures of them doing it on Facebook.
Would buy you a drink but I would be jealous of the glass.
My Son: The marriage vows say "tell death do us part", so we are not married in heaven ? Me: That`s right son, cause if we were still married, we`d be in hell.