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On a scale from 0 to insane, I`m Batman!
Boy it`s nice out today... or at least that`s what it says on my computer.
I dont want to sound like a badass or anything but I play Wii without the wrist strap on....
“Nevermind.” Translation... You should’ve listened the first time.
Time to train for my favorite winter sport. Extreme Hibernation.
Wife: give me money I want to buy a bra. Husband: you`ve got nothing to put in them. Wife: you wear shorts
Stress balls work best when you shove them down somebody`s throat.
I`m still trying to get over the fact that oranges are pre-sliced by nature.
It turns out that playing strip solitaire isn`t nearly as much fun as playing strip poker. Especially at work...
I was called sexist today. So..i said i think ur mistaken...its pronounced sexy! LOL
CANT TOUCH THIS!! Na na na na.
I assume that a Columbus Day sale means I can just walk into a store and take whatever I want.
My coffee was so hot this morning it came along with an ugly friend.
Anyone going to stare at their phones anywhere cool this weekend?
If you enjoy being the 10,000th person to put your thumb into a hole, then bowling is for you.