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umm umm u know that school where i got the degree from
Surly not EVERYBODY was Kung-Foo fighting?
Never confuse the words "venom" and "poison". Venom is injected into blood by an animal. Poison is injected into food by a woman.
NEVER go to a wet t shirt contest drunk. I won 2nd place.
Nothing good has ever come from answering a call from a blocked phone number.
Wish my husband got a check from the NFL for all the refereeing he does from his recliner...
I`m single by choice. Not MY choice. But it`s still a choice
When your parties have glasses instead of red cups, you’re a grown up.
Dear penis, thanks for not bleeding once a month. Sincerely, every man ever.
The only thing my girlfriend blows is everything out of proportion.
Sometimes I wish you could order Karma like flowers and have it delivered.
I wish there was a room where we could go and see all the stuff we have ever lost.
You know it`s been a good night when you wake up and see bite marks on the walls...
I wonder if New York people find it weird to watch their own city being destroyed in Hollywood movies so many times..!!
The quality of a good neighbour is not seeing them often.