Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
There`s nothing as wonderful as waking up in the morning next to a gorgeous smiling face. So I keep a mirror next to my bed.
People who don’t understand sarcasm are awesome.
I`m confused as to whether I`m supposed to leap or hump today.
Sometimes you`ve got to ask yourself: `Why am I talking to myself?`
My dad`s TV volume is always set at "f*ck the neighbors".
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Red, Trees Are Red ... F*ck? my gardens on fire!
People with the loudest car audio systems usually have the worst taste in music.
It`s 2014 and somehow we still don`t have a car mirror that can make objects appear exactly as far away as they are.
How to meet a girl: 1) Walk into a bar. 2) Shout “Heroes in a half shell.” 3) When a girl yells back “Turtle Power,” marry her.
I just spent an hour at the gym. I couldn’t find a close enough parking spot so I left.
I went for a run tonight. Sure, it was a beer run, but I did break a sweat.
Sometimes, when I wake up in the morning, I`ll read 4 or 5 status updates and I`ll cry, because I relieze how dysfunctional some of my friends life`s are. but then I`ll smile when I remember things like the leftover pizza from last night sitting on the coffee table!
Give a man a fish & he`ll eat for a day. Give a man a jelly fish and you can pee on him.
R.I.P. 2013 (2013-2013)
I didn`t see anyone important today, so I`ll probably wear these same clothes tomorrow.