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Person: You`re blocking the view. Me: B!tch, I am the view!
if you hold a dinner fork really close to your eyes, you can pretend that they`re in jail
If a girls tongue being pierced really mattered, then I would have my palm pierced!
There comes a time in the day, when no matter what the question, the answer is booze.
I`m so ghetto.... I had lights and water bill in my name before the age of 3..
Who am I calling stupid?? Good question.... What`s your name?!
Just once, I`d like to clock out from work by sliding down a dinosaur.
Trust me... You don`t want my undivided attention.
They called themselves geologists because stoners was already taken.
Wine improves with age. I improve with wine.
Some people are just pure evil...I should know because I`m one of them.
We’ll be friends until we’re old and senile. Then we’ll be new friends all over again.
My problem has always been a Constipated Brain and my mouth has the Runs.......
With all the new car technology you would think someone could invent a side mirror that could show where an object actually appears.
"That`s too much bacon." -Nobody ever