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To all them girls who go out , looking sexy as hell but have boyfriends.......Please continue to do so when you`re married.
Siri, destroy the vehicle in front of me.
I`m not saying you`re a slut but you`re dirtier than my browser history.
The person that named the eggplant probably isn’t allowed to name things anymore.
"Wife dragged me to this theater. Somebody shoot me." -Abraham Lincoln`s last Tweet.
All the coffee beans in South America can`t make me a morning person.
"Why?" - Socrates and four year-olds
The number one reason why trick or treating is better than sex is, you can do the whole neighborhood.
This year thousands of men will die from stubbornness....NO WE WON`T!!
If you don`t leave a buffet looking like someone told you bad news you didn`t get your money`s worth.
Etc... A word used to make others believe that you know more than you actually do
I`ve been calling my wife "honey" for 12 years because I don`t know how to tell her I forgot her name.
Famous words from Fergie... "Boom Boom Pow!" Happy 4th of July!!
Why do we even ask rhetorical questions?
I love the smell of a liquor store in the morning!