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Smooth move.........ExLax
Sure, Men love funny women. As long as they are pretty...and skinny...and they have a great pair of knockers!!
I hate when beggars rattle their cup full of coins at me. Yes i know! You have more money than me, you don`t have to rub it in..
I didn`t see anyone important yesterday, so I`ll probably wear these same clothes today.
First world problems: I couldn’t hear the TV so I had to stop eating chips.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did, not screaming for their lives like the passengers in the back of his truck
You know you are the ugly one if they ask you to take the photo.
Nicknames are way more fun when people don’t know they have them.
You can either be right, or you can be the husband.
I get paid to be nice at work. Not sure why my family and friends expect that for free.
Keep scrolling , I got nothing.
When I was younger my dad showed me pictures of why to wear condoms during sex. The funny thing is, they were all pictures of me.
It`s hard to focus on a home workout when your home also contains a refrigerator full of delicious food
I was trying to think of something really deep to post on Facebook this morning. The Mariana Trench comes to mind.
I like to listen to mexican radio but I dont know what they are singing or saying so I just pretend they are singing about how awesome I am.