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I bet my road rage would be taken more seriously if I spoke German
Dear Noah, we could have sworn you said the arc wasn`t leaving until 5. Sincerely, unicorns.
Making a woman laugh is one of the keys to winning her heart, unless she’s laughing at your junk.
Its never polite to ask the guy at the next table "are you done with that?" Especially when he`s breaking up with his girlfriend.
Dyslexics of the world.. UNTIE!
Man, those 2013 Mayan Calenders are REALLY hard to find...
I need a new refrigerator ... There`s no food in mine.
Who cares, WTF, OMG, so inappropriate, HOLY HELL ! Good LORD, not another selfie...WHOA NELLIE, NO, NO, and HELL NO!!! Me before unfriending someone.
I lost a very close friend and drinking partner last week. He got his finger caught in a wedding ring.
I just ate 3 whole chickens ... they were hard boiled.
I bet my road rage will be taken seriously once I get a car.
I just finished writing an article on "How To Improve Your Memory"- But I forgot where I kept it!!
If you see a girl or guy post pictures of their cat you know they`re single.
It would serve me better if they put shopping carts in the middle of the store where my pride realizes I have too much sh!t to carry.
Conversation between Adam and Eve must have been difficult at times because they had nobody to talk about.