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It`s so cute how all the free sandwiches in the fridge at work have little names.
Life would be so much better if there were piñatas strategically placed throughout my day.
I was asked what I look for in a relationship. Apparently, "A way out" wasn`t the right answer.
Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave your house...
Whoever says "you need two to tango" obviously hasn`t seen me drunk.
I really need a day inbetween Saturday an Sunday
Touch my food and suffer the consequences.
Don`t trust anyone that orders a Medium Pizza....
Serious question: Are doctors sure erectile dysfunction isn`t just a side effect of being married & bangin the same woman for years & years?
Most of the lies I tell aren`t even true.
The last time I was someone`s type, I was donating blood.
The hardest part of parenting is standing idly by while your children build a mediocre couch fort.
Unless you are selling Thin Mints, don’t ever knock on my door.
why we do not have a romance class...............
The wifes exhausted as she`s had some hot steamy action lately, But at least the ironing basket is empty