Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Nothing is really lost until your mom can’t find it.
I just ran 3.5 miles in 30 minutes! Ha! Just kidding, I ate some ice cream.
I used to dream about becoming an astronaut. Now I just dream that there`s still time before the alarm goes off.
Never take a laxative and a sleeping aid on the same night. dont ask me why.
You have advice? For me? I have a $5 Starbucks gift card that`s older than you.
I think the only way I`ll ever be motivated to go to the gym is if I`m in prison.
As an adult, I’m not eating nearly as much ice cream as 10 year old me thought I would.
75% of women in open relationships don`t actually know it yet.
It was so cold today the local flasher was caught "describing" himself to women.
I bet if there were little basketball hoops above every garbage can, littering would greatly decrease.
I didn’t say “what?” because I can’t hear you. I was giving you a chance to change what you said.
Being in hot water isn`t so bad if you throw in some bubbles and a glass of champagne.
My favorite exercise is a combination of a lunge and a crunch. It`s called lunch.
Let’s have a moment of silence for all these guys that tried to walk across power lines but fell because someone tied their shoes together.
Hysterical Shrieking should be reserved for truly serious situations such as Centipedes, Spiders, and that Creepy Uncle that likes to give everyone back rubs.....