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Never buy the first round cause that`s when people care what they`re drinking!
Happiness, is just a liquor store away.
Dont let facebook fool you we aint friends
Why doesn’t McDonalds have an order taking microphone on both sides of the car, yet?
R2-D2 from Star Wars, still holds the record for most curse words in a movie.
If at first you don`t succeed ... run them over
That disappointing moment when you pull up to work and it`s not fully engulfed in fire.
If I haven`t offended you, just scroll thru my timeline. It`s in there.
I heard she was born naked!! That slut!
The thing I miss most about being young is knowing everything.
That Awkward Moment when you’re being sarcastic and someone believes you.
AT this stage in my life an ALL NIGHTER JUST means I didn`t have to get up and pee....
You can tell a lot about a person by putting a hidden camera in their bedroom.
Kinda funny how the Mayans said we were all gonna die in 2012, but they all disappeared way before us.
Just read someones status, "Today is the frist day of your life," Thats just stupid, mine was over 45 years ago.. If it was the frist day of your life you wouldn`t be able to read it... Dummy