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You can stop lifting weights now; it’s actually your personality that nobody likes.
So tell me, does it hurt to be so full of sh!t?
I just made 3 critical errors: 1. I woke up for work. 2. I went to work. 3. I arrived at work.
I log off because I`m bord... I log on 5min later because I`m bord
I`m starting to think the Hangover Fairy and the Angel of Death are the same person.
Sarcasm is just one of the many services I offer to people who ask stupid questions.
You`re never too old to learn stupid sh!t
I`m so sick and tired of my light weight friends who can`t handle their alcohol...Last night , they dropped me 3 times when carrying me out of the bar!
Checked my bank balance at the ATM and was happy to see I had 707 dollars in it until I realized I was holding the receipt upside down and it said LOL instead.
I have difficulty sleeping at night because I lay awake obsessing over life`s mysteries, like how exactly does paper beat rock.
Next time some one does something REALLY stupid, just smack them and say, "Man, did you see the size of that bug?"
There`s a sucker born every minute, but swallowers are harder to find.
I don`t know why I even bother chewing corn.
If you can`t tell the difference between delivery and Digiorno then you`re a f***ing idiot.
It’s not my fault God gave you boobs to stare at.