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If you allow your pets to roam free in our neighborhood, I`m gonna put party hats on em. This is non-negotiable.
I don`t know how many girls it takes to change a light bulb, but I guarantee we`d post pictures of us doing it on Facebook.
Four words that I never want to hear: we`re out of beer
Bless me Father for I hit send.
Must be lonely over there on "I`m offended by jokes" island.
11th Commandment: Thou shall not gossip about other people’s lives when you are not doing any better yourself.
My problem? Smart phones are too smart.
A bachelor party is a lot more appropriate after a divorce than before a wedding.
Monday :`( Tuesday :-( Wednesday :- Thursday :-/ Friday :-| Saturday :-) Sunday B-)
WARNING::World Health Organization says radiation from cell phones may cause cancer. Please text everyone you know about this.
If a Jehovah`s Witness dies and goes to heaven does God hide behind the Pearly Gates and pretend he`s not home?
I`ve seen bride magazines but have yet to see "Eager Groom" magazines.
I have no time or patience for games in my relationships. Unless by “games” you’re referring to naked Twister. I can make time for that.
Step 1 Change your wifi password to blowmefirst. Step 2 Wait for someone to ask for your wifi password.
Tried to donate blood today but they had too many questions about where I got it.