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Next time you take your dog for a walk pretend he`s solving a mystery.
Today I made sushi at home for the first time. I subsituted a hotdog for the raw tuna, a bun for the rice, and mustard for the wasabi!
Nothing makes you feel more insignificant than still having 85% battery at noon.
Is it wrong to drop off drunks at houses that aren`t theirs?
A homeless man comes up to me asking for change, I say "Change comes from within." He looked stunned.
Someday, somewhere, somehow Iām going to do something.
It`s not that I`m judging you, but you hung your toilet roll the wrong way and I just think it best if we never spoke again.
Pretty sure I look forward to my boss` vacation`s more than he does.
When I see a tire swing swaying gently in the breeze, I like to believe its daydreaming about life on the open road.
lifes a laugh, start living it!
I get very annoyed when people mix up there, they`re and their. From now on I`m going to point it out, weather they like it or not.
Call me old fashioned but I prefer women with eyebrows made out of hair.
Sometimes, entire relationships can be chalked up to, "that weird thing I did for a while."
Home: The place where I can look ugly and enjoy it.
Your parents taught you to wash your hands after you pee. My parents taught me not to pee on my hands in the first place.