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If other employees are taking four fifteen minutes smoke breaks a day, I should most certainly be allowed a one hour nap time.
I love that sound you make when you shut the hell up.
If you have attention deficit disorder, throwing boomerangs isn`t for you.
Not to brag, but I don’t need to smoke pot to get the munchies.
Ever notice that all the instruments searching for intelligent life are pointed away from earth?
If weed is ever legalized, I can`t wait to see the commercials...
“Get your panties in a bunch” would make a great slogan at Costco.
To the untrained eye, I`m quite handsome.
You know what would make this Vodka & cranberry better? The Bahamas.
Just saw someone eat a kit kat bar without breaking off each individual piece and now I can`t stop twitching.
As i get older i realize I do a LOT more YOGA...attempting to tie my shoelaces
My parents say I was an unplanned child, which probably explains why my life isn`t going to plan.
You’re not important enough to have haters. You just have a few people who notice you’re an a$$hole.
I just want to be rich enough to pay people to not talk to me.
Scariest Moment: Flushing the toilet at someone else’s house, and seeing the water rise…