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Do trolls even live under bridges anymore? Or have they all relocated to the Internet?
A Lion would never cheat on his wife.. but a Tiger wood.
At a four way stop, it`s obvious that the vehicle bearing the most duct tape goes first.
Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to shop and where to spend it
Teaching your dog to fetch a beer is smart. Fetching it from the neighbours house is genius.
These old people at the bus stop really suck at paintball.
You`d be surprised at how many times I`ve gone home, when i hear someone tell me "Go hard or Go home".
Would stiff nipples be a good name for my air conditioning company?
for those people out there who don`t know me, congrats your not a facebook addict
It`s not karma, you`re just an idiot.
Current relationship status: Leaving pizza and beer in the bushes, to lure in stalkers.
A secret is what you tell everyone not to tell anyone else.
I used to think I was a man of vision. Now i`m pretty sure they`re hallucinations.
I wonder if there`s a margarita somewhere out there thinking about me, too.
If our phones were really smart, they would tell us to get off of Facebook and do something meaningful or constructive with our lives.