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When i am bored, i like parking along side the xpressway stick a hair dryer out the window, and watch everyone slam on their brakes.
We all need to take great interest in our future because we will spend the rest of our life there.
Went into a five-star hotel to use the bathroom and now it`s a two-star hotel.
Highway to Hell is a great song because you can play it at both your wedding and your funeral.
I slammed the car door on my fingers this afternoon. In related news, there`s an 83% chance that my nephew just added "Mother*ucker" to his vocabulary.
I was addicted to the Hokey Pokey but I turned myself around.
It`s amazing how we are very good lawyers for our own mistakes and very good Judges for other people`s mistakes.
Baby gates are parents` way of saying "this area is locked until you’ve gained more experience."
Why Am I Sober? - A Horror Story
Remember when teachers asked to lie quietly with your head on your desk? My boss has yet to be impressed with this skill.
When my kids grow up, I’m going to their house to break their stuff, eat all their food, make a huge mess, say I’m bored & then just leave!
Basically the whole point of Facebook is so you can see if you’re prettier than your ex’s new girlfriend.
I don`t get nearly enough credit for managing not to be a violent psychopath
My friend thinks he`s so smart. He said onions are the only food that can make you cry. So I threw a coconut at his face.
I think I may have misunderstood my boss yesterday when she told me that she wanted to see me hard at work