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Anyone else see the irony in Disney World?.. You know, the fact that it`s a giant human trap, ...set by a mouse.
Couples have an amount they can spend up to without discussing with each other. Mine is around $50. My wife`s is around $643.27. Apparently
What do you call a dog with no hind legs? Dragon Balls.
I thought white noise was the sound of people complaining at Starbucks.
I went to Alcoholics Anonymous last week. The first thing they told me to do was to stop hanging around other alcoholics. So I stopped going.
Your day sucked, huh? I`m sure Facebook would love to hear about it.
If a girl bangs ten dudes in a year she is a slut. If a guy done he`s gay. Definitely gay.
My local hairdresser just got arrested for selling drugs. Unbelievable! I`ve been her customer for 10 years and had no clue she was a hairdresser!
If u think someone (me) is cute u should tell them (me)
Ride me like you stole me.
A high-pressure hose will usually stop a coworker from showing you any more baby photos.
If I drove a UPS truck there’s a 100% chance I would fall out of the truck when I turned corners.
A young man gets sent to jail,and gets put into a jail cell with a convict the size of the Incredible Hulk. After lights out, he hears a whisper from the top bunk."Let`s play Mommy and Daddy. Who do you wanna be?" Thinking quick, the man says "daddy." "Then come up here and suck Mommy`s d!ck."
Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because your fingerprints aren’t in the database.
There`s no way that whatever mothballs prevent is worse than the smell of mothballs.