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It`s all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship`s kitchen.
Flat screens are nice and all, but they`ll never compare to the television/record player/ liquor cabinet combo extravaganza we had as kids.
the kids next door challenged me to a water fight. I`m just updating my status while the kettle boils
Why do medications always have side effects like `anal leakage` & `suicidal thoughts`? Why not `invisibility` or `spontaneous orgasms`?
Two years ago I became a proud parent. My kid is 6, but they were kind of a pain those first four years.
I think I will start calling my wife "My Customer" since she is always right...
Ladies: Sometimes you just need to throw your arms up in the air and say, "Tie me up"
75% of my day consists of looking at the clock and not believing it
You are not a "Food Blogger", you`re a "Fat a$$ with a laptop"
Now that I know how many calories there are in a pint of beer , I have decided to stop eating.
Without ME, it’s just AWESO.
I’m going to rename my wifi network to “Surveillance Van #02?. That should keep the neighbors on their toes for a while.
A coworker gave me an invitation to her wedding in case you were wondering why this paper airplane I’m making has lace on it.
I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing.
Don`t worry about walking a mile in my shows. Try a day thinking in head.