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What`s it called when you always have a sweet tooth, but it`s only for booze?
I don`t mind helping people as long as I`m not slightly inconvenienced.
I`m really wanting to sit and watch a movie with my boyfriend. Can anyone recommend a good boyfriend?
If you don`t have anything nice to say, say it anyway, `cause it might be really really funny.
I put a pair of boots in the bathroom stall at work so nobody else will use the stall that I like to use.
"Lazy" is a strong word. I prefer to call it selective participation.
If you are a turkey right now and someone offers to cut off your head, stuff you full of dressing, and cook you, do not do it. It is a trap.
You know you’re ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.
How dare you incinerate that I don`t know big words.
Objects in spandex are larger than they appear
As it turns out, I’m not an afternoon person either.
Don`t apologize because you haven`t posted in a while. No one cared.
My cat is wearing a cone & has learned to scoop up his food and let it slide into his mouth and it`s giving me serious ideas, folks
I would probably die of sleep deprivation if Facebook added a dislike button
The awkward moment when you type HO instead of HI.