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When someone tells me how old their kid is in months, I ask them to rephrase it in days, so they know what I just went through.
I’m going to start telling women that I’m available for a limited time only in hopes that their shopping instinct kicks in.
Money may not buy you happiness, but it does buy you all the sh1t you want!
Million dollar idea: Pills that you can take with alcohol.
Whoever is in charge of making sure I don´t do dumb stuff is fired.
Scientists discover that caterpillars can whistle. Am I the only one wondering if they`re concentrating their efforts on the wrong things?
If you can’t afford to go on vacation, you can always drink until you don’t know where you are!
This post is just for you.
I`ve seen more pins in the last few days then stone cold steve austin on groundhog day..
Now that "twerk" has been added to the dictionary, I can`t wait for a Spelling Bee judge to be asked to use it in a sentence.
The more photos you have to untag, the better the weekend was.
Unless otherwise stated, I have no idea what I’m talking about.
Since they`re loud and heavily scented already, Abercrombie & Fitch stores really are the ideal spot to go fart.
When I was growing up, I was taught to walk and talk and when I was grown, I was told to sit down and STFU!!!
I`m terribly conflicted when people I hate from work, bring cupcakes.