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If you listen real closely, you can hear my alarm clock laughing as I set it.
I’m gonna make this girl mine….. Right click, Save As….
This Polo shirt as two buttoning options: Uptight Golf prick or disco chest hairs.
Surly not EVERYBODY was Kung-Foo fighting?
Stop asking why I’m still single. I don’t ask how you’re still married.
Why doesn’t The Rock just tell us what he’s cooking? I can’t pair wines like this.
A lot of talk from the peasants lately about my arrogance.
Just burned 2000 calories. That`s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I take a nap.
I don’t approve of political jokes. I’ve seen too many of them get elected.
Judging by all the cracking and popping noises my body makes when I work out, I`d say I`m about 74% Rice Krispies.
I was told today to look at my life from a different perspective. I`m lying on the floor now and the shit still looks f*cked up.
I`m just a boy...standing in front of a girl...asking her to lov.....aw who am I trying to fool. I just want in your pants.
Keep reaching for the stars but please get a better deodorant.
Rob Stalker for congressman........Stalker....a name you can trust.
When sitting directly across from someone also using a laptop, I can`t stop myself from telling them, "you sunk my battleship!"