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is about to stick a pin in your voodoo doll... brace yourself.
My wife said we should try some role reversal in bed last night. So I said I had a headache.
My fantasy is having two women at once...One Cooking, One Cleaning.
I need to unbutton my pants just thinking about how much I’m going to eat this week.
The universe contains protons,neutrons,electrons and morons.
If you like someone, pretend they`re a charger and you`re an iPhone on 1%. Run to them. Grab them. Plug them in. Wait, I lost the metaphor.
Met a girl for a first date and quickly found out that her version of "Do you want to go downtown?" is vastly different than mine.
Yeah he`s still bugging me...he thinks Harass is two words.
I`d say that 6:30 is the best clock time, hands down.
I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain realizes what I`m doing.
My dream job is a pharmacy cashier & yelling for a price check every time someone checks out anal ointment, condoms, & men buying maxi pads.
Cleavage is something you can look down on and approve of at the same time.
If you were a cookie, you’d be a whoreo.
Wow....turns out I`m NOT a Ninja. That really hurt.
Thanks to Netflix I can tell my doctor I`ve done a lot of "marathons"