Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
How easily you’re offended is directly proportional to how dumb you are.
Does the Food Network deliver?
I don’t really forgive people I just pretend like it`s okay and wait for my opportunity to destroy them.
Never say "piece of cake!" to me. Unless there is, indeed, a piece of cake involved.
’twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, everyone was screaming ... cuz I went into the wrong house.
Life is so much funnier when you have a dirty mind.
TV and the Internet are good because they keep stupid people from spending too much time out in public.
When people have cars as their profile picture I automatically presume they are a transformer.
Man I wanna throw a book at someones face and be like "I Facebooked you!"
I told everybody at work that I`ve got 18 cats just to make sure none of them ever want to come over for anything.
Anyone who knows me obviously knows a shit ton about awesomeness.
SAFETY TIP: Lock your doors and windows before bed. By the way, I love what you`ve done with the place.
Peace on earth would be nice, but not gaining 20 pounds over the holidays would be a Christmas miracle.
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.
Doctor told me to lose some weight, and suggested walking.So no more drive through taco bell. Now I park 5 spaces away and walk in