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A baby`s laughter is one of the most beautiful sounds you will ever hear, Unless it`s 3am. And you don`t have a baby, And you`re home alone.
I`m now fit to make my regular annual resolution. The accomplishment is the problem
I tried being awesome today, but I was just so tired from being awesome yesterday.
Video games are cool because they let you experience fantastical power-fantasies. for example in The SIMS you have a job and a house.
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn`t hire stupid people.
Sorry, I can`t hangout. My uncle`s cousin`s sister in law`s best friend`s insurance agent`s roommate`s pet goldfish drowned. It was tragic.
Deja poo. The feeling that you`ve heard this sh!t before.
You mean.. people run? On purpose? When nobody is chasing them?
Sometimes I go on Google Earth and just spin the sh!t out of the world & pretend I`m making everyone really dizzy.
"Go left at the chopsticks in the road" - Chinese directions
Tony Soprano dead....Whitey Bulger on trial...coincidence??? I think not!
I`m not lazy, I just rest before I get tired
Did the Energizer Bunny finally stop going and going, and none of us even noticed it?
I’m going to start wearing Summer’s Eve as a cologne. The vast majority of beautiful women seem to be attracted to douches.
Alright, I give up! I`ve listened to the song like 50 times now, and I still don`t know what the fox is saying!