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Does any one know how to lower the difficulty settings on tinder?
The naked truth is better, than d dressed-up lie :) Aa
Sometimes, I like to stalk random strangers vacation pic`s, and tag myself as one of the people in the background just for laughs.
You`ve got to be twins. You`re too stupid to be one person.
If I was a funeral director, I would tie the shoe laces together of the deceased.Then the zombie apocalypse would be hilarious.
It’s not that I don’t want kids, it’s just that I don’t want a minivan.
The rare times my cat approaches me for affection, I run away and hide under the bed so she knows what that feels like.
Beer is like sex. When it’s good it’s good…when it’s bad it’s still pretty good.
Just think of how different the world would be if Noah had eaten those two chickens.
Okay, If we get caught here’s the story…
Somewhere the inventor of yoga pants is near death from all the high fives and non-stop free tequila shots he gets.
Idiots are fun, no wonder every village has one.
Cop: Sir what is in the bottle next to you? Man: It`s water *hands the cop the bottle* Cop: Sir, this is wine. Man: Jesus did it again!
Of all the advice given to me over the years, “There really is no bad time for a beer” has proved to be the most helpful.
It`s not you, it`s me. I can`t stand you.