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I love long walks on the beach under the moonlight, poetry, candlelight dinners, and having my a$$ spanked with a fuzzy slipper.
Lady`s if you want guys to look at your face instead of your chest ... eat a banana.
My "Do Not Disturb" facial expression is not working today.
Due to the weather, I was able to use the words "wet and slippery" at work all day without anyone thinking I`m a big perv.
Yeah, sex is awesome. But have you ever put clothes on straight out of the dryer?
My dad always used to say, "The sky`s the limit!" Which is probably why he got fired from his job at NASA.
According to science the atoms in my body contain the energy of 30 hydrogen bombs, and yet, not enough energy to get up early and go jogging.
Saw a bug crawling on my arm and my reaction can only be described as “grabbing for swirling dollars inside a plexiglas Cash Cube.”
If Violets were Orange, poetry would be a lot more challenging.
I bet every guy would be faithful if God took an inch off his d!ck every time he cheated...
I was going to change my profile pic to a pumpkin for Halloween, but it didn`t look that much different from my actual head.
Nobody wished me a happy birthday today, which isn´t surprising really, since it isn´t my birthday.
A new day : the possibilities, endless. the funds, insufficient.
If it was not for electricity, we would all be watching T.V. by candle light.
Remember when you thought you’d have it all together by the time you were the age you are now? LOL