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I believe in karma that means I can do bad things to people I don’t like and assume they deserved it.
I really hate it when people need constant re-assurance. You know what I mean?
It doesn`t matter if the shoe fits or not, I`m still shoving it up your a$$.
What if cell phones are part of an elaborate plot to rid the world of phone booths so Superman has nowhere to change?
If there`s no god then how do you explain yoga pants?
The guest of honour was a bit subdued. The Keyboardist was playing too softly for my liking. But it was a good turnout, lots of food and laughter. But break out into one choreographed `Thriller` dance routine and the crowd goes all apesh!t and tosses you out of the funeral home.
I`m watching Godzilla tonight.... His parents asked me to babysit
I`m eating a vegan lunch today. Sure, it`s six sleeves of Smarties and a Diet Coke, but I`m still better than you.
A guy at work calls me "Partner" and another guy calls me "Chief". Apparently we`re playing Cowboys and Indians and I`m a double agent.
Life`s most terrifying 10 seconds: Being held hostage in the corner of the shower by cold water.
One day I shall rule the World! Until then, I am going to bed. Good Night :D
I was asked what I would give the woman who has everything? Well…my phone number for a start.
I wish real life had as many ejection seats as cartoons.
Coworker: I have a degree in History. Me: That`ll really come in handy if life starts going backwards.
HR says I`m not allowed to scream "OH GOD IT BURNS MAKE IT STOP" when I walk through the front door at work anymore :(