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People need to stop putting flyers on my car. I don`t want to see a band called "Parking Violation" at the "Courthouse"
Hating everything saves countless hours of decision making.
I will straight up walk into traffic to avoid a kid selling something.
I don’t like to think before I speak. I like to be just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.
I have lots of great personality traits. Or as my doctor calls them, symptoms.
That awkward moment when the majority of people think your status is stupid.
I am Bad and thats Good. I will never be Good and thats not Bad. There`s no one i`d rather be than ME.
My internet went down. By which I mean my neighbors changed their password.
You make your own luck`.. a saying most popular with lucky f*ckers
I feel bad for the photons that travel 93 million miles from the sun and then have to bounce off your stupid face.
What if your soulmate is over there on Twitter while you`re here on Facebook?
Pretty much the most frightening part of my day is when I get a notification that my mother has tagged me in a post on Facebook.
Back before Walmart, you used to have to buy a ticket to see a bearded woman.
Wonders why we can`t just all get a Long....Island Iced Tea?!?
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!