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Have you hugged you bartender today.
Always look out for #1. Don´t step in #2 either.
My coworker`s inspire me to drink on the job.
So much to say. So not drunk enough to say it.
Calm down, take a deep breath and hold it for about 20 minutes.
If a cannibal is late to dinner do they give him the cold shoulder?
Dont piss me off...I`ll give your number to all the kids and tell them it`s Santa`s hot line!
Ladies, if you are really good at blow jobs, you don’t have to pretend to like football.
Hey chicks that only post inspirational shit: we know you`re nuts.
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Admit it, we’ve all hidden our favorite food from the rest of our family.
I`m sick and tired of people telling me to turn off lights to save the environment. I tried it once, and I nearly killed some guy on a bike.
People are obsessed with this storm but in a couple months no one will talk about it anymore, which is why they named it after the movie Juno.
I just went dumpster diving.. and hit the mother load. Tons of dude gear and tools! It smelled of angry white woman.
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.