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Doing it wrong is the only thing I do right.
I don`t have any "driving the speed limit" music.
In honor of St. Patrick`s Day, I`m going to create a hybrid of a four leaf clover and poison ivy and give myself a rash of good luck
I don`t know why beer companies bother with an expiration date. It`s never going to make it anywhere near that.
I didn`t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
I don`t have ADD. It`s just that everything is more interesting than what I have to get done.
Hey NFL, solution to your recent problem, start allowing players to hit each other on the field again
I was going to get a lot of stuff done tonight, but I didn`t. Because, you know...beer.
Lying about my age is easier now that I have trouble remembering what it is.
When life gives you melons, wear a low cut top.
When I go to the gas station I always get two kinds of drinks so it appears I actually have a friend..I think they`re catching on though.
I`m starting to think I overuse exclamation points. It ends today. Right now. I`ll never ever use one again. I`m so excited about it. Yes.
Is a bath relaxing for Michael Phelps, or does he just feel like he is at work?
Duct tape can`t fix stupid, but it can muffle the sound.