Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My daughter just explained to me that these dinner postings were not real invites. I have to apologize to all my friends out there for showing up last week.
There`s nothing as wonderful as waking up in the morning next to a gorgeous smiling face. So I keep a mirror next to my bed.
The worst thing about dating is bringing a nice guy home after dinner, only to find your husband home early from work.
whenever i`m bored I just expect at any moment for the Koolaid man to break through my wall and take me on a deliciously refreshing adventure!
Women come in two types: batsiht crazy and hot enough to ignore the batsiht crazy…
If you were home alone in the middle of the night, and you heard a fart, would you laugh or be scared.
Cliff diving? No thanks. I get all of my near death thrills by rolling my eyes when my wife asks me to move my feet while she vacuums.
Day 8. You should be thankful that I`m medicated
Scratch and Sniff Here [____] …Smells like glass, doesn’t it
Nice try horror movies, but everyone in my generation is already terrified to answer their phones
I don`t know why they call it Everclear. I drink that stuff and everything is a blur.
My doctor said I need to workout with dumb-bells. Would any of you like to go jogging with me?
They should`ve added "Might lose a lot of sleep" in Facebook`s terms & conditions before signing up.
Any wife can be a trophy wife if you bring her to a Taxidermist.
Remember....... Its not drinking alone if you`re on Facebook ;)