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Any perfume that claims it will help you seduce a man is lying if it doesn’t smell like a pizza.
I watched my first Porn the other day. I looked so much younger back then!
I think Tampax and Hershey`s should get together and offer a super pack....
Your day sucked, huh? I`m sure Facebook would love to hear about it.
Best Relationship Advice: Make sure you’re the crazy one.
It`s a serious Lego project when the 1st thing my 5yo does is take off his shirt and gets me a beer from the fridge.
If anyone has ever told you that you snore, just know that person has very carefully weighed the pros and cons of letting you live.
A psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog’s IQ. Here’s how it works: If you spend $12.99 for the video, your dog is smarter than you.
tonights theme: grab somebody sexy tell them hey, give me everything tonight!
Your name should be Gelette because you`re the best a man can get
... and so begins another failed hundred or so attempts at trying to write the correct year on anything I date.
You ever read a status, and you`re like, `what a f*ck up` and then you realize you`re on your own page?
I need a fixed income. Mine is broken.
You`re never too old to ride in a radio flyer wagon but apparently you can be too fat.
The secret to dancing is pretending you have a wedgie and you’re trying to get it unstuck without using you’re hands.