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The meek shall inherit the earth. Probably because they`re the only ones who won`t complain about what we`ve done to it.
Ever notice how the automatic flush sensors in public restrooms kinda look like hidden cameras?
Never seen anyone jogging and smiling, so that’s all I need to know about that.
"You have the right to remain silent so as not to incriminate yourself" -- 5th Amendment, understood by nobody on Facebook.
These peopele at the gym are looking at me like they expect me to share my donuts ... SMH
Go to China on honeymoon. Get intimate with Husband. Tell child that they were "Made in China."
Swans mate for life...in case you were wondering what made them so mean.
This sushi restaurant has the worst service. "Sir, this is an aquarium"
If at first you don´t succeed ..... buy her another drink
You`d think the chances of putting in a USB drive wrongside-up would be 50-50, but nope, 90-10.
I would like to thank you people for letting me know its Friday every week. Its thoughts like this that keep me on Facebook.
"Bros before hoes" is something a bro without a hoe would say.
I bet you can`t keep the funny and not funny the same number.
As I rise from my slumber the children scream in horror, as they did not know I was in the McDonald`s Playland ball pit
Tip of the day: Don`t be a douche!