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Nothing makes me turn off my car and start leisurely Facebooking than someone honking at me to pull out of a parking space.
You know you`re getting older when your friends start using the term "Pregnant" instead of "Knocked Up"
Since there’s only one of me, does that make me an endangered species?
I want my next girl to be crazy but more "Lets have sex in public" crazy rather than "I throw hot coffee in your face" crazy.
My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch. It’s called Lunch.
Lots of us suffer in silence. You should try it.
My workout plan really only consists of me wandering around in parking lots because I forgot where I parked...
The lottery is over $400 million. Sorry poor kids, no dinner tonight...
I was told today to look at my life from a different perspective. I`m lying on the floor now and the shit still looks f*cked up.
I’m quite confident that the reason I’m single is because I didn’t forward that chain letter in 2003.
Soup of the day: Beer
Caterpillars have it made. They eat a lot, go to sleep, then wake up beautiful.
It`s bigger on the inside..said no woman, ever!
Women have to deal with periods, pregnancy, childbirth, menopause and hot flashes. Men have to deal with women.
Part of being sane is being a little bit crazy.