Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.
Sorry I got mad and said a bunch of things I meant but shouldn`t have said out loud.
I think the spork would have caught on better if they called it "a forkin` spoon!"
Be honest, you haven’t even walked a mile in your own shoes.
This morning I got in touch with my inner self. And that`s also the last time I`ll buy cheap toilet paper...
Why do they write PIZZA all over the box? What else could possibly be in there???
My wife hasnt stopped looking through the window since it started raining. If it gets worse, I might have to let her back in...
they say money cant buy you happiness but id much rather be crying in a fararri...
I`m not sayin you are stupid, I just said that you have bad luck when you`re thinking.
If I had to describe myself with one word it would be "Doesn`t understand directions".
I bet my church never imagined it was even possible to twerk to Amazing Grace.
Doc: ``Hows your headache ?`` Me: ``She`s at home``
If I get hurt playing Wii Sports, that`s still a sports injury, right?
My misery likes tequila, not company.
I saw a sign that said "watch for children" and I thought, "That sounds like a fair trade"