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We live in an era of smart phones and stupid people.
I don`t know how many girls it takes to change a light bulb, but I guarantee we`d post pictures of us doing it on Facebook.
Valentines day
Remember kids- Respect your fathers! Besides, before you came out of your moms, you came out of your dad.
I’m right 97% of the time…who cares about the other 4%.
I knew I`d be a great parent. Kids aren`t nearly as difficult to take care of as my drunk friends.
I don`t plan anything as well as I plan which alcoholic beverage I`m going to consume once I leave work.
Have you guys seen the new documentary about white trash? I only saw the trailer.
Are the unmarried employees at Kraft known as Kraft singles?
I know there are some people we say were dropped on their heads as babies. But there are others that were clearly thrown in the air, hit the ceiling fan, bounced off the wall & fell out the window.
Since it is the day to give thanks, I would like to say once again...you`re welcome.
Keep it down kids!.. Daddy is trying to think of something stupid to say on the internet.
I feel like I`ve passed my "Best If Used By date."
Somewhere the inventor of yoga pants is near death from all the high fives and non-stop free tequila shots he gets.
Ever notice how many friends you have when you pull out a pack of gum?