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Just saw someone holding a sign that said "Honk 2 impeach Obama" You`d think the process to impeach a president would be more complicated
New day, same old bullsh!t
Before I die, I`m putting fake treasure maps behind all my picture frames.
I made Creme Brulee today. More food should require the use of a blow torch.
There were only 3 commandments until Moses’ wife got involved.
I miss being the age when I thought I would have my sh!t together by the age I am now.
Next time one of your friends leave their Facebook open, randomly pick one of their friends and like all 973 of their photos.
Here’s your social security card. It’s paper & has to last you forever. Don’t laminate it. Good luck! -The Government
scratch here ¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦ to reveal my status
Why do people ask "What the hell were you thinking?" Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not have to explain it.
Are you reading this from a toilet? I`m writing this from one.
Is your family tree a cactus? Because everyone on it is a prick.
Kissing a sleeping woman in an animated Disney movie is romantic but do it on a bus and the judge doesn`t agree.
Sometimes I wish there was a `Build-a-Girlfriend`.
You can tell a lot about a woman by how she slices brownies. For example: if she throws the knife at you, you should pick up some Midol.