Daily Silly Status

So exhausting to have my life changed for the better every time someone posts a screenshot of a famous quote.

Helpful Tip: A ceiling fan won`t cut a bagel in half ... Not even on top speed

I’m glad you’re learning to laugh at yourself. That was kind of getting awkward for the rest of us.

You know you are old when people keep telling you how young you look.

I couldn’t believe it yesterday, when I came home and was told by my wife that my 5-year-old son wasn’t actually mine. She says that I need to pay more attention when picking him up from school…

Helpful Tip : Never ask the cop to hold your beer while you dig out your drivers license.

Big deal, Times Square, I drop the ball at least twice a week.

Thanks to the popularity of gifs, we are living in the golden age of silent films.

Nobody texts faster than a pissed off female.

Spent morning at the farmers market carefully selecting fruits and vegetables to throw away next Saturday.

Hey guys,,, Which sounds better: No longer rabid?, Or rabies free since 2003?........ I`m trying to update my e-harmony profile

"What`s wrong?" "Oh it`s personal" Then, why`d you post it to Facebook.

That urge you get to write "No one gives a sh!t" on someone`s status..

WARNING: Every single thing I post from here on in, is alcohol induced.

Note to self: the wife does not want an `exercise pole`.