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Optimism? Sure, it`s worth a try. I don`t see how acting like an eye doctor is gonna help, but whatever.
My neighbors listen to some excellent music. Whether they like it or not.
I need my decision making privileges taken away.
I love how in movies when someone types a really embarrassing secret they always accidentally send it to the whole school, and they also coincidentally have the phone number of everyone.
The synonym for `reality` is `offline`
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
Passive aggressive has never been my thing, I prefer chasing you with a chainsaw.
I forgot to post this earlier
I keep an identical glass of vodka next to the glass of water on my bedside table for a refreshing morning game of Russian Roulette
Sorry I can`t make it to your party tonight- I have to get up REALLY early tomorrow afternoon.
Unplug the copier at work & put a sign on it that says “now voice activated!” Sit back & watch the magic unfold.
Nice try, Henry Winkler, but I’m not inclined to take mortgage advice from a guy who lived above the Cunningham’s garage for like ten years.
If you read my entire Facebook timeline from the beginning, you can witness my descent into madness
I accidentally opened the fitness app on my phone for the first time ever. It just began pointing at me & laughing.
Which nipple does the red jumper cable go on?