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Sorry I pissed you off, but I find you much more entertaining this way.
I kind of like it getting dark so early because it gives me a great excuse to just stay inside and watch TV.
I love long legs.... Long sexy legs.....But not on a Spider, I hate long sexy legs on a Spider.
Back in my day, we didn’t have computers or the internet. Everyone had to walk uphill for days to tell me I’m an a$$hole.
Back in my day, we didn’t have Instagram. We had to bore people in person with photo albums.
I propose a toast to the booze for making life seem tolerable.
My dog’s ratio of digging holes in my yard to finding buried treasure is not where I’d like it to be.
Messing up a guy’s hair = cute. Messing up a girl’s hair = putting your life on the line.
whoever said that there are no stupid questions was stupid
People must stop questioning my sanity, it wont answer them.
Still waiting for a criminal on Law and Order to say,,, "Hey,, Aren`t you Ice-T?"
Sometimes after many years of marriage, you just look at your wife and wonder how she stayed with you this long without you killing her.
You know who your true friends are when they call you at 3AM just to tell you they love you and that their drunk...
Whenever someone says “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart”, all I hear is “I know where you can buy drugs"
My favorite exercise is a combination of a lunge and a crunch. It`s called lunch.