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I have no time for games in my relationships. Unless by games you`re referring to naked twister. I`ve always got time for that sh!t.
I’m crazy but not “LeBron is better than Jordan” crazy.
Hey, if anyone needs help raising their kids, come talk to me. I`ve been one for 30 some years now.
The best thing about not being with you, is not being with you.
I hate it when people need constant re-assurance. You know what I mean?
facebook cuz am too old to have imaginery friends
My teen thought it`d be funny to post as me on Facebook. I laughed and laughed and changed the wi-fi password. Good times!
is in that awkward phase of the day between never drinking again and noon.
Amazing how many people just stroll into tattoo parlors and say “Give me the dumbest thing you can think of.”
Upside to hurricanes... you might get a free boat delivered to your front yard.
Pokémon means a totally different thing if your stuck in a Jamaican prison.
loosing weight tip: turn your head to the left then to the right. Do this everytime you are offered food.
Sorry about last night texts. My phone was drunk.
Missed connection: I was a 15 year old boy, you were 1984 Madonna.
I have tonight off so if anyone’s free let’s go somewhere and look at our phones together.