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Sunglasses: allowing you to stare at people without getting caught. It`s like Facebook in real life.
I don`t know who I feel more sorry for.. myself for never being able to find where I parked my car?.. or the poor bastards following me through the parking lot hoping to take my parking space...
I don`t exactly have a "to do" list. I have what you might call "If I ever log off Facebook and feel like getting around to doing it" list.
I can`t decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life or are living it to the fullest.
My new years resolution was to lose 30 lbs by the end of summer... I`ve only got 40 lbs to go.
Show me, on this cat calendar, how long it`s been since you`ve had a date?
I do my best proofreading after I hit `send`.
If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is, "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is, "Probably because of something you did."
Stop waiting for the perfect moment. Take a moment and make that sh!t perfect.
I saw my ex girlfriend broken down with two flat tires this morning which made me late for work... Nine times I drove past before she noticed me laughing at her.
Anybody else have those FB friends that set up a FB account 4 years ago and posted once or twice and hasn`t been back on since? And you wonder how they can exist without a Life?
If I didn`t drink, then how would everyone know how much I love them at 2am?
When a guy says "I`m Fine" what he is really trying to say is that he is fine.
They say you`ve got to spend money to make money. Feel like there`s some middle step I`ve been missing?
If I`m guilty of anything it`s loving you too much. Oh and indecent exposure...I suppose trespassing too.