Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I have a feeling I already know which direction my "Get rich or die trying" lifestyle is headed.
Just used a full size twix bar to stir my coffee.
When God closes a door, it usually has my fingers in it.
There may be no excuse for laziness, but I’m still looking.
I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. “Alright, get in the basket”
Why do people ask “What the hell were you thinking?” Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not have to explain it.
I`m more of a "the glass is half shattered into a million tiny pieces" person.
Working in retail has taught me that the customer is always right. At least while they`re in earshot...
You say you want to bring me back to reality. You’re assuming I’ve been there before.
My wife asked me what new hairstyle she should get, so I held my breath until I passed out.
I`m 99% sure you think I`m weird. And I`m 100% sure I don`t care.
I was wondering why some couples don`t go to the gym together but I guess some relationships just don`t work out...
Life is like a burrito. If you fill it with too many things it falls apart and then you cry and they kick you out of Chipotle.
It`s like my pastor always says, "Who are you and why are you stealing wine?"
is wondering if the hokey pokey is really what it´s all about