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I didn´t outsmart you. You just outdumbed me.
If I share my food with you, its either because I love you a lot, or because it fell on the floor and I don`t want it.
Please, Lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won´t spoil me.
It`s just a matter of time before they add the word "Syndrome" after my last name.
Seems like 2013 was just yesterday.
If your talking behind my back then guess what? Your in a pretty good position to kiss my a$$!!!!
Here Comes Honey Boo Boo has been canceled. In other news, my faith in humanity has been restored.
Do you think when Spider-Man gets stoned with Batman and the Hulk he sometimes thinks the spider on his chest is real and freaks out?
I walked briskly with scissors today. I’m pretty wild.
Do you ever think if people heard our conversations they`d lock us up?
What doesn`t kill you, makes you stronger... except for lions, lions will definitely kill you.
I don’t want to think I’m getting old or anything, but all the noises I used to make during sex, I now make getting out of bed.
I just found my Christmas Spirit.... It`s been in aisle 6 at this liquor store the whole time!
You know what`s wrong with winning a hundred thousand dollars? ... Not a damn thing!
The only thing I have learned so far in this company meeting is that this room has 37 ceiling tiles and 24 fluorescent bulbs.