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According to a recent survey, 98% of people responded with `Go away.`
when life gives you lemons; ask for tequila and salt
Happy Saturday… the day you can put as much booze into your coffee as you’d like to put in on Monday.
Sometimes I wish I could appear offline in real life too
Whoever is controlling me sucks at this game.
once a homeless guy said to me `Hey you got a dollar` and I said `wow your absolutely right..with psychic powers like that I`m surprised your still homeless` got in my car and left..
Keychains were invented so that you can lose all of your keys at once.
Admit it...Life yould be boring without me.
Tuna are probably pretty annoyed with how much we worry about catching dolphins in our tuna nets.
tried being normal. Didn`t like the feeling, so I`m going back to being ME.
Finally, my winter fat is gone, now all I have are spring rolls.
My cat is wearing a cone & has learned to scoop up his food and let it slide into his mouth and it`s giving me serious ideas, folks
I’ve been texting so much lately that I move my thumbs from side to side when I’m actually talking to someone.
scratch here ¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦ to reveal my status
Nothing says IDGAF like an old lady at a slot machine wearing oxygen and smoking a cigarette.