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I cannot even begin to imagine the conversation that led to the first circumcision.
I sent one of those swabs off for DNA sampling. Apparently, I`m 50% Crest, 25% Denture fixative, 13% kebab, and 12% Rum.
That`s weird, all this time I thought the Birds and the Bees was a dance from the 50`s.
Have you ever looked at your ex and wondered...WAS I drunk the whole time?
I don`t hate you, I`m just not necessarily excited about your existence.
I can`t afford Disney World so we go to the biggest hill on my street and my kids wait an hour before I roll them down in my office chair.
Some days, the best thing about my job is that the chair spins.
Mario Bros. Plumbing ????? (69 Reviews) Hired them to clear my drain, stomped my turtle to death and ran off with my girlfriend.
My girlfriend JUST spent the ENTIRE day arguing that she isn`t stubborn.. :|
Pay no attention to the device around my ankle.
Have you tried complaining about it for hours?
You fake your smile daily, then judge people for getting a fake tan.
I`d like to thank the bars for being there for me.
Slowly, Waldo`s wife and Mr. Sandiego started putting the pieces together
If the breakfast club took place now, all those kids would just be silently texting about their sh!tty Saturday & never make friends w/ each other.