Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Sorry, kids. It appears ninjas ate all of our Halloween candy.
I wish I would of asked if she believed in sex after marriage
It`s actually pretty impressive how many poor decisions I can fit in a day.
Everything in earthquake-prone areas should be built on top of a giant Tempurpedic mattress.
RUN? I thought you said Rum. I quit.
Behind every beautiful woman, is a beautiful behind.
I’ve been that, done that, had that, lost that, needed that and felt that. Just a few of the many reasons why I always drink to “that”.
The Australian kiss is just like the French kiss but down under.
My dog doesn`t always bark like there`s an intruder in the house, but when he does he waits until I`m home alone and in the shower.
Adding “and sh!t” at the end of a sentence can make anything sound thug. Example: “I was playing with my bubbles and sh!t.”
There’s gotta be a better use for the part of my brain that remembers every word to “Baby Got Back.”
“I saw that.” -Karma
Just got a Cheerio stuck between my toes walking through the kitchen. Clearly my dog isn’t doing his part of the chores around here.
And today I learned to never ask a woman how she dye`s her roots black.
If you can`t tell the difference between delivery and Digiorno then you`re a f***ing idiot.