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Don`t exercise ... fat people are harder to kidnap
A sofa is a vacation for your a$$...
I´m not lazy, I´m just highly motivated not to do anything.
Walked into the kitchen for orange juice; walk out with sandwich, crackers, chocolate milk, and the TV remote I lost 30 minutes ago
Be friend with stupid people.., feel like genius all the time
I want to start a womans magazine called "Period". ..then every few months I`ll send it out late JUST to freak them out. ;)
This weekends forecast shows a 0% chance of cooking or cleaning, with a good chance of laying around in my pajamas.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, you have tits. Simple as that
All my life I`ve wanted to learn to juggle. I just never had the balls to do it.
Diet Tip #63 : Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour.
LOL` the biggest lie on the internet.
Started working on my taxes today and learned why the form is called 1040. For every $50 I make, I get $10 and the gov`t gets $40...
is here. Now what are your other two wishes?
When reality kicks in… add more booze.
I`m the type of person that will burst out laughing in dead silence over something that happened days ago.