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my wish for tonight is for the person reading this status to have a Good Night!
Hard butter is the devil.
Happy Labor Day to someone who barely labored this year.
I just saw a 2 or 3yr old boy wearing a t-shirt that says, "if mom or dad wont buy it I`ll just sms grandma and grandpa"
Bad decisions and good stories or good decisions and no stories?
2015 and still no thieves interested in my identity.
They say you need about 2000 calories a day. Ok, time to do math. 65 calories in one fluid ounce of Jack Daniel`s means i need 30 shots tonight.
Rock bottom is when you get dinner at the same place you buy your gas.
After joining Facebook, my TV became radio.
People who say "Don`t mix drugs with alcohol"" ... they`re stupid, right?
Why has someone not invented a see-through toaster yet?
Co-worker: My wife`s an angel. Me: You`re lucky, mine`s still alive.
My goal in life: Build a time machine and travel forward into the future until I can stop and ask someone "Do you know what `buffering` is?" and they are clueless.
This healthy diet thing is dangerous. I just cut myself peeling an apple. This would have never happened to me with a twinkie.
Next time I`m on an elevator with four or more strangers, I`m going to turn around and say, "I`m sure you`re wondering why I`ve gathered you all here."