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I drink my coffee out of a clear mug so people so where my tolerance level is at.
Apparently it was a bad idea to ask Siri, "What do women want?" She`s been talking for the last 2 days and doesn`t seem ready to shut up anytime soon.
Pumpkin for sale. Slightly used
I inject vodka right into the orange. Screwdriver-to-go
If you need some help at Home Depot and are being ignored, get on one of their step ladders
I live for two reasons. 1) I was born. 2) I haven`t died yet.
If I weren´t such an alcoholic I would throw my drink in your face
I`ve been working on losing weight, I was doing Jenny Craig for awhile........till her husband found out (<>..<>)
Dating a single mother.... It`s like continuing from somebody else`s saved game.
I started studying Tai Chi, so I wouldn`t recommend getting in a slow-motion fight with me...
My house has really let itself go.
When people stare at me, I assume its because they are taking notes on how to be a bad a$$ motherf*cker.
I`m so in Debt, I could start a Government.
Figuring out that you`ll probably never figure it out is the first step of really figuring things out.
at my age, the best part of waking up is the fact that I did wake up