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Do you know who invented the Knock Knock joke? I don`t know either, but whoever did should get a no bell prize.
Lady: what Colour are my eyes? Man: 34D
Ever have to poop and your abdominals start to relax just as you near the toilet, and then you notice that `Out of Order` sign or the empty toilet paper dispenser?
Guuuyyyysssss, never ever play leapfrog with a unicorn.... Its not worth it.....
I am pretty sure dry cleaning is a scam where they just laugh and rub money on your clothes then hang them back up in a plastic bag.
My hobbies include trying to close the elevator door before someone else gets on.
If you don’t like something change it... if you can’t change it....post it on facebook, so we can "like it" and laugh..
If you get pulled over in a Smart Car for speeding, you should get a standing ovation, not a ticket.
It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.
Bars are Weird Its the only Business that kicks you out for buying TOO much of their Product
My New Year’s resolution is to save enough to buy a Velcro wall ... I plan on sticking to it.
The Roomba vacuum cleaner just beat me to a piece of popcorn I dropped on the floor & this is how the war against the machines begins.
I feel like landlords who don’t allow dogs but DO allow children don’t know very much about children.
I want to delete a bunch statuses, so if you guys could just message me your passwords that`d be great.
most teens are switching to twitter instead of facebook. noone wants to get on facebook and catch dad pocking mom... if you kno what I mean;)