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I don`t have any "driving the speed limit" music.
If you`re going to be stupid, don`t do it on Facebook.
I wonder what it feels like to be wrong.
If you answer the phone and say "Hello, you`re on the air." most telemarketers will hang up quickly.
When one door opens & another one closes, your fricking house is HAUNTED!
A man made eye contact with me on the train, so I left my shoe behind ... And now, we wait...
Sometimes it`s easy to forget we would all violently murder each other if we couldn`t obtain basic food or water. Have a great day guys.
Just bought two donuts without sprinkles...Diets are hard!
Is it just me or is waking up at 3am and trying to read a text message like looking directly into the sun?
Amazing how many people just stroll into tattoo parlors and say "Give me the dumbest thing you can think of."
When asked `What would you bring with you to a deserted island`, how come no one ever replies, `A boat.`?
After 6 years, is it still all Bush`s fault or has it been reduced to "Unfortunate circumstances under no one`s control"?..............
I ate 4 cans of alphabet soup, and just took probably the biggest vowel movement ever
When I`m bored, I like to superglue Doritos to my cat and make it run around the house like a stegosaurus.
When you’re a kid, you hate those moments when there is absolutely nothing to do. As an adult, you live for them.