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So I´ve narrowed it down and I´m either gonna start a motorcycle gang or take a nap.
I don`t mind helping people as long as I`m not slightly inconvenienced.
You`d think my boss would know me by now and stop asking me everyday if I`ve been drinking.
That weird moment when u just say "what`s up " to someone and they thing you`re a shrink.
My life is a lot like Ikea furniture with missing instructions. I’ll get it together eventually but it won’t ever feel quite right.
Basketball would be a lot more exciting if each team was allowed one bear.
I always advise people never to give advice.
Cant imagine the look on Obamas face when he saw `Olympus Has Fallen`..His next quote would have been.."No more Taiwans in the secret Elevetor office"
Flip flops are fun because every time you take a step it`s like a high-five for your feet.
No one is as ugly as their driver`s license, and nobody is attractive as their profile picture.
It`s only October 3rd and I`ve already beaten the sh!t out of two motion activated skeletons at store entrances.
The correct answer to "How are you?" is "Fine." If you ever stray from that dialogue, please know that nobody gives a sh!t.
I like confusing kids by telling them I`m older than the internet
It`s a good thing not everyone has a smartphone. Someone has to honk when the light turns green.
I forget, how much tequila goes in mashed potatoes? Now that`s funny, I don`t care who you are. Oh, don`t copy that part. I mean this part. Oh hell!! Your going to copy and paste the whole thing anyway ;)