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Helpful Tip: A ceiling fan won`t cut a bagel in half ... Not even on top speed
My friend works at a rubber dog poop factory. He`ll never get rich, but he makes doo.
Why do we call it toilet paper? Does anyone wipe their toilet with it?
If you have a dog grooming business and it’s not called “Doggie Style” then something is wrong with you.
So I didn`t want to wake up this morning and go to work. It`s not that I don`t like my job, it`s just that I like being lazy more.
The person before me got $0.57 worth of gas. My day doesn’t seem so bad now.
I`ve made up my mind, I`m not giving up anything for Lent, I`m no quitter...
The hardest question of the weekend.. can or bottle?
Remember, no matter how bad a day you may be having, no matter how sh!tty a situation you may be in... I`m feeling great. So it`s all good.
My life has a great cast, but I can’t really figure out the plot.
Guys, if she says she’s crazy, she’s harmless. The real crazy ones never give you a damn clue.
Cubs fans, you need to wait 107 more years. But don`t worry, 2124 will be here before you know it!
I never thought I`d be the kind of person who`d wake up early in the morning to exercise ... And I was right.
True self control is waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn.
Imagine coming home from a long vacation and finding your bathroom towels are wet from just being used. I can do that to your ex if you want.