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The problem with frozen yogurt is that it`s not ice cream.
There`s no better reminder to visit your dentist than a trip to Walmart.
Good judgement comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgement
It`s not working. I`ve napped every day this week at work and not a single raise or promotion. Sleeping my way to the top was a stupid idea.
I think there are great benefits in remaining strangers.
Somehow, going into The Dollar Store and asking for a price check just never gets old.
Moving all my retirement funds into a Colorado snack machine franchise.
Checked my bank balance at the ATM and was happy to see I had 707 dollars in it until I realized I was holding the receipt upside down and it said LOL instead.
Ever noticed how fast people walk across the road when you don`t apply the brakes
My husband told me that in some cultures women do all the housework, so I told him in some cultures blow jobs don`t exist. He`s vacuuming.
No, I do not want to talk about how I got all these scratches. On a completely unrelated note; If you`ve ever wondered how many squirrels fit in a pillowcase,,,.. it’s 9.
Whoever invented grass must be a billionaire that stuff is everywhere
I just replaced the can of air freshener in the office bathroom with an air horn. And now we wait....
once you delete your birthday from Facebook, you realize no-one ever gave a sh!t about you all along!
I don`t care if you wear footie pj`s or sleep with a Snuggie. If you swish Listerine in your mouth for the full 30 seconds, you are BADA$$.