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Sarcasm: because snapping a neck is frowned upon in a court of law.
Some people are like water balloons; they`re more fun when you throw them out the window.
the dude who posted ”MERRY CHRISTMAS“ has still got his head shoved up the turkeys A$$ it seems...
Life is not a garden so quit being a hoe
Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes and lottery tickets, are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?
I read an article the other day that said, "if you drink every day you are an alcoholic." Thank god I only drink at night.
Swans mate for life...in case you were wondering what made them so mean.
I got in the shower with my slippers still on this morning. Is this the start of dementia or the continuum of stupidity I wonder?
When wearing a logo or clever t-shirt, make sure your rack looks good. No one likes reading stuff on a lumpy, wavy surface. You too, ladies.
It`s just adorable how the Liquor Store cashier always wishes me a good week as if I won`t be back tomorrow.
I know how to wink my eye in like twelve different languages.
I could snap at any moment. Seriously, with either hand.
I was doing laundry today and accidentally left out a very large fart. 4 people turned around. For a minute, I thought I was on "The Voice".
A 15 year old took gold in the Olympics and then there is me whose greatest accomplishment is getting up to 10 on flappy bird.
Wow, it`s beautiful outside. I should probably do something. Like close the blinds so there isn`t a glare on my screen.