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Jack Frost go away, come again another day. I need some sun, I need some sand, I need an island & a band. I`m bored with you & tired of the cold, so go away your getting old. Bring on the sun at one hundred degrees, some coconut oil & pina coladas please
There was a sense of accomplishment finishing the daily newspaper. I literally have no idea when I`m supposed to stop reading the internet.
I almost got raped in jail last night. My family takes Monopoly very seriously.
There`s a fine line between crazy and free spirited and it`s usually a prescription.
I`m not totally useless. I can be used as a bad example.
Couples Halloween costumes always end up looking like one person went along with it to save the relationship.
You know you had a good night when you have to Google map yourself in the morning to find out where the hell you are.
When I have to make a difficult decision in life I think what would grandma do, then I leave home in my nightie & shout at random strangers.
Not clicking like on this status makes your a$$ look fat.
I hear you`ve been very naughty ... Go to my room!
people say nobody`s perfect..i made nobody!..
They say you are what you eat but I don’t remember eating a sexy beast.
Ive been invited to farmville! Now what to wear...
I went to the store to buy some comdoms and the cashier asked me If I needed a bag ? "I replied No she`s not that ugly"
Gravity didn`t seem this strong twenty-five years ago.