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Did you guys know grammar police rhymes with humorless a$$hole?
My bed has no frame and sits directly on the floor because under-bed monsters are just one less thing I have to worry about now.
Shout out to metaphors. Without you there would only be like four songs.
If Apple made a car, would it have windows?
After months of uninterrupted analysis, I am now prepared to conclude that, indeed, my laundry is not going to fold itself.
One day, people are gonna write songs about the nap I`m about to take.
Why does Flo from Progressive needs to have an apron on to sell insurance. Is there something dirty about insurance we should know about?
Ate salad for dinner! Mostly croutons & tomatoes. Really just one big, round crouton covered with tomato sauce. And cheese. I ate a pizza.
Whoever left me in charge of my own destiny has a lot of explaining to do.
I just assume that when a restaurant automatically adds 15% to the bill for a tip that the service is going to suck.
What are the words I`m looking for? Oh yeah...Eat sh!t and die.
I wish I could pick which brain cells the alcohol kills....There`s ALOT of crap I wish I could forget about.....
Whenever I feel that someone is about to sneeze I yell “PIKA!” & they’re like “CHU!”. I don’t have any friends.
Today`s subliminal thought is: …
When my pc crashes, I go to the guy with the most action figures in his cubicle for help.