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There would be fewer problems with children if they had to chop wood to keep the television set going.
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of Alcohol
Sometimes I wish that I could put my wife on airplane mode.
All I`m saying is that if you were a real psychic palm reader you would of made me wash my hands first.
These peopele at the gym are looking at me like they expect me to share my donuts ... SMH
My favorite Yoga Pose is the Upward Facing Couch Potato.
If a group of midgets performed the YMCA song, it is to be considered that they did it in lowercase?
Don`t wait until you`re on your deathbed to tell people how you really feel because you could be too weak to raise your middle finger.
Sometimes my brain is like the bermuda triangle...Information goes in then it`s never found again..
Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.
Its so cold out, I actually saw a gangsta with his pants UP!
When someone wants to talk behind your back, FART!
You know you`re a mom when someone says they have a stomach ache and you ask if they pooped today.
I mostly use Facebook to remember why I stopped hanging out with certain people.
I don’t know who or what is doing it, but one day I will find the thing that continues to steal one sock and destroy it.