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Better pound all these beers so I can get the bottles in the bin for recycling day.
The reason good men are hard to find is because they`re usually too busy working.
i think lady gaga puts glue on herself, and rolls around random items.
Getting back with your ex is like taking a shower and putting back on your dirty underwear.
There`s no time like the present to make a positive change in your life ... or to take a nice nap
Double-Stuffed Oreos should just be called Oreos, and regular Oreos should be called Diet Oreos.
Upside to hurricanes... you might get a free boat delivered to your front yard.
three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere "Hold my purse."
That awkward moment when you tell your parents something funny, but it turns into a life lesson.
If the Dollar Store ever starts selling alcohol....drinks are on me.
I think that work and microwave minutes are longer than regular minutes.
In America, someone is shot every 15 seconds ... How is that person still alive?
I`ve spotted six Pokémon today but I don`t have the game so I may need new meds...
All this time I thought Bi-Polar was big white bear with no sexual preference.
One man’s LOL is another man’s WTF.