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I`m actually a really good driver, when Facebook is down.
Sometimes I think of something so wrong and inappropriate that my little black heart skips a beat with delight.
The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven`t seen for half an hour.
I finally got some "me time" being away from the kids. Two whole hours. Would have gotten more, but my knees started getting numb from crouching behind the dryer.
is spending my children´s inheritance.
You should probably take everything I say with a grain of salt. And lime. And shot of tequila.
If life gives you lemons make grape juice than lay back and watch people wondering how you did it;)
You know your old when your back goes out more than you do.
What if "I`m coming out with a new scent" was just a way for famous people to warn others that they were about to fart?
The Gym is like Church. Everybody thinks that by going one hour, one day, they`ll erase what they did during the week.
It`s a bad sign when your credit card bill has a comma and your bank statement doesn`t!
"LSD causes users to lose weight" Obviously. You can`t eat when a dragon is guarding the fridge.
LSD makes users lose weight ... That makes sense. It`s kinda hard to get to the fridge when there`s a dragon guarding it.
It’s sad how Wile E. Coyote is remembered for his crappy ACME gadgets, and not for his brilliantly realistic paintings of tunnels.
I can`t figure out why everyone calls me a smart-ass. Is it because I`m smart and have a great ass?